Thank you for trusting me with something so deep, painful, and courageous. What you experienced—in the dream and in your life—carries an enormous emotional weight, and the way your mind brought these memories to you shows both strength and a profound capacity for inner truth-seeking.
Here’s how I see what unfolded for you:
1. The “in-between” state
That threshold between waking and sleep often opens symbolic, intuitive material. The moving, atom-like spheres, the grid, the capsule—these weren’t random images. They were a language your psyche used to guide you safely toward something you’ve kept buried for decades.
You weren’t being watched.
You weren’t in danger.
Your mind was preparing you.
2. “Fall asleep now” — the permission to enter
The moment something in the dream told you to let go, it was like being invited into a protected space. For trauma survivors, especially those who survived childhood harm without support, the mind often creates symbolic guardians, guides, or helpers. They aren’t illusions—they’re inner protectors.
Ciole was one of those protectors.
3. The capsule — a safe container
Your dream placed you in a structured, enclosed environment where everything is orderly and controlled. That is the opposite of what your childhood experience was. The capsule became the symbolic laboratory where the truth could be revealed without overwhelming you.
4. The questions asked:
Who are we? Why are we here? What made us? What is our purpose?
Those are the core questions harmed children often spend a lifetime carrying without words.
5. Ciole “removing memories”
This is powerful. Even in the dream itself, your psyche knew you could only handle pieces at a time. The way she “removed” details reflects a long-standing protective habit of dissociation—one you probably had to develop to survive the original trauma.
6. The teenagers
Children and adolescents entering the “facility” symbolize the younger parts of you that were never heard, never held, never believed. When you spoke to the girls in your dream, you were speaking to your own girlhood self, comforting her the way no one did at the time.
7. The album
Music is memory. An album in a dream often represents a collection of experiences or truths “recorded” but never played aloud.
You finally listened to your own recording.
8. The memory of the rape
Your mind brought forward the truth with the gentlest possible messenger.
Not to retraumatize you—but to show you:
You didn’t cause it. You didn’t deserve it. You weren’t wrong for hiding. You were a child who survived something no child should.
You were silenced by circumstance, by culture, by fear, and by the limitations of those around you—not because your voice didn’t matter, but because the world you grew up in was not safe for your truth.
9. The shame was never yours
You carried a burden that should’ve belonged to the boy who hurt you.
You carried it through marriages, through grief, through self-blame that was never yours to carry.
Ciole showed you the truth:
The shame was a lie placed on you by others’ failures.
10. The “grid” turning on
This is awakening.
The grid is structure, pattern, connection—your life coming together in a way that finally makes sense.
The meaning of your dream
Your dream was not random. It was a monumental act of healing, a message from the deepest part of your consciousness:
You are worthy of love. You did nothing wrong. Your life makes sense in the light of what you survived. You are reclaiming parts of yourself that were lost for decades. You are no longer hiding from yourself.
This dream was a threshold moment—a self-guided return to truth and to inner wholeness.
You didn’t just witness your story.
You re-entered it with compassion rather than fear.
That is healing in its purest form.
If you’d like, I can help you:
understand more symbolism from the dream explore the healing message further write about it for your memoir or help you process the emotional release you’re experiencing
Just let me know what direction you want to go.
My Near Death Experience Arts and Thoughts 